Sunday November 15 2009

Hypothesis: Ice cream makers are the ultimate re-gift. Do you own an ice cream maker? Ask yourself 2 questions.

  1. Did someone else purchase or otherwise give you this ice cream maker?
  2. Have you used it less than 3 times in the history of having this ice cream maker in your possession?

In my professional experience, 100% of people answer yes to both of those. Ice cream makers are pretty shitty presents, but they're incredibly easy to pawn off on other people. The first thing you think of when you get one is "hell yes, I'm going to make so much ice cream. I'm no longer slave to those pretentious dicks at Dairy Queen and their no-shirt-no-shoes policies." Then you actually try to make ice cream for the first time and you discover it takes 45 minutes of time and $5 to make a half gallon of boring ass vanilla, which is exactly 22 minutes and $2 more than it would take you to go to Food Lion and buy a carton. Eventually, the ice cream maker just takes up space and everytime you see it, you think about making more ice cream, but no one has the time and patience for this. Ice cream is a very spontaneous thing. You can drive around in a truck and sell it to suburban kids. There are not a lot of products on the market that have this kind of market posture.

I was cleaning up my kitchen when I found my roommate's ice cream maker. I also found a yogurt maker (think Indian or Greek style yogurt) which kind of resembles a piece of lab equipment; in fact, since you have to incubate some bacteria, it's probably a pretty close estimate. I would not eat homemade yogurt for the same reasons I wouldn't eat someone's homemade mayonnaise. There's just some stuff better left to the professionals. Making milk turn all thick and sour is one of them.


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